Curiosity Kills.

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Posted on 4 Jan 2010 at 18.36

It's Not That Perfect Without You || SuzaxLulu Fanfic

I think I promised you guys that I will be publishing a fanfiction of my favorite characters and my fav shounen-ai pairing, Suzaku Kururugi and Lelouch Vi Britannia. It's not that complete yet and stuff, but since I'm at a major loss on how to resume the work again, I will just publish it now. Here it is, enjoy, and pardon for the mistakes. Credit goes to my big sis, Cynthia, by the way.

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I remember the moment when I took out Zero's sword. I pointed it at you, and you showed me your last, soft, smile.To me. Your very own killer.

I remember the moment I started stabbing my sword at your stomach. There was a weird expression carved into your face.

An expression that shows you had got no idea how much pain you would receive when the sword hits you.

I remember the moment you touched zero's mask which I wore back then, with your bloody hand. The warmth of your hand penetrates the mask.

I remember the moment I wanted to just grab your blood-shaded hand, squeeze it softly, and shout the sentence, "don't leave me alone", out loud, and cry my eyes out.

I remember the moment I started to realize tears were falling on my cheeks inside that insect-like mask, after I heard your final wish, "You have to abandon all your needs and bring justice to others.”,while I tried to answer you with my pretend-to-be-strong voice, "I accept that geass."

I remember the moment your body started to slide on the carpet, my eyes were blurry back then but I was pretty sure that your blood spread, leaving a trail of a long straight red stain down the carpet.

I remember when Nunnaly told me that before you died, your last words were "I had destroyed the world.. and I had created the world."

I remember all of those moments.

That unforgetable scenery.

Those hurtful words of yours.

The sound of people cheering out for Zero.

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The meeting has finished and it's time for me to go back home.

With my mask on..as always.

I can't possibly open up my mask when people already think that the Knight of Zero is dead.

I went into my humongous-sized room, and sat on a fluffy violet couch. I stared at the couch for a couple of seconds, and whispered at myself, "this couch reminds me of the unusual eye color Lelouch used to have...", and stayed mute.

I took off zero's cape from my body, and hung it on the hanger, and silence took over the room.

After a couple of minutes, I decided to let go of my mask-- Zero's mask, since nobody is in the room, and I saw a voice-changer hanging on the bottom of the mask which I use to fool people, to show them that I'm Zero for I have the same voice as him.

Well, think about it. If I use my real voice to talk, even when I'm using Zero's cape and mask as a disguise, they'd only need a second to figure out that this Zero is a fake.

I then reached the backside of the mask, and pulled it close to my face. I inhaled, and exhaled. I started to draw off some tears. I smelled Lelouch's scent. His soft, sweet, gentle scent. I didn't want to pull the mask closer to my face. I got scared.

I got scared of my brain, which will only show me memories about me and Lelouch, doing many memorable things, when he was still here.

When he was still breathing. When he was still beside me.

+*+*+*+*+*+*+

I woke up and I found my hands grasping the air around me. I didn't realize I fell asleep. Where am I? Oh, in my own room-- no, Zero's room. I'm just living behind zero's mask, living his life, not mine.

Mine used to be beside that guy. Beside Lelouch vi Britannia. That is why everything he did affect me and vice-versa. I reached his mask, again, and wore it.

His scent rushed in. I smiled.

This reminds me of a dream. A dream where me, him, and Nunally, sleeping underneath a lush tree, and we held our hands tightly. It was so calming,and I felt at ease.

Now, back to reality.. I'm not at anykind of ease, unless 'at ease' means you're in a middle of darkness, running from nothing but yourself.

"I can't stay like this forever, Lelouch. I need a life. YOU need a life..."

Then I started to hit a table in front of the couch where I fell asleep on.

"The heck with 'yasashii sekai'!"

I wrinkled my eyebrows.

"You said it, Lelouch.. You said you'd make this world kind..."

I loosen my fist a little, and I let my head fell on the couch.

"I know people probably feel that way but this world-- MY world.. Is not even close to the word 'kind', Lelouch... Not without you.."

The voice changer and a tape recorder caught my eyes. A minute after that, I found myself saying these words ; "Suzaku.. Suzaku, we're friends right?" to the voice changer while recording it on a tape. After the words had satisfied my heart, I hurried back to the recorder and pressed 'record' button so it stopped recording and with my trembling fingers, I hit 'play'.

"Suzaku.. Suzaku, we're friends right?", Lelouch says through the tape, well technically it was me, but the fact that the voice was his, is enough for me to say that it's Lelouch.

That voice made me feel--for once happy. I know this kind of thing can be classified as desperate, but it was worth to try.

When his words got into my ears, other voices just vanished, my eyesight turned blurry, and it felt like there was no oxygen around me to use. It's suffocating.

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~Thank you for reading.